January's Life Lessons

February is the least favorite month of the year for many people, with the holidays well behind us, spring and summer vacations too far out in front of us, and the typical cold, gray weather hanging heavily.  But for me, at least this year, I'm very glad to turn the page on January and welcome February in. January was filled with an unexpected series of life lessons for me this year, and I need these slow days of February as time to rest, recover, and reflect. 

I started the year feeling physically not all that great, although I was optimistic and full of plans.  Unfortunately, my body decided it needed more of my attention and my health went downhill quickly -- I found myself without the energy or mental clarity to do even the simplest of activities:  prepare a meal for my family, run errands, read or write.  For several years now I have been struggling with what I thought was a not-so-serious condition that compromised my immune system, but ever-increasing symptoms toward the end of 2012 and beginning of 2013 drove me to seek out more information and help from other sources in the healthcare community.  Now, after several weeks and many appointments with MDs, naturopaths, and nurse practitioners, I am on the road to understanding what is going on (a little more serious than what I originally thought) and am working with a practitioner who I trust to help me figure out the rest.  

So, the good news is that over the past few days I've begun to feel slightly better, and even though (or really, because) I still have to spend most of my day sitting, my mind is clear enough for the first time in weeks to reflect on what I've been going through and begin to understand that there are some important life lessons to be gleaned from my recent experience.  The first, and most important, is that nobody cares about my health more than I do (nor should they!).  Yes, my family cares and my doctors care, but I'm the one who needs to push, and question, and drive, and push some more -- nobody else can do that for me.  My husband certainly tries, and deserves a medal for how well he has supported me, taken care of me, and even filled in for me when I was too weak or tired to do so, but the ultimate responsibility for my health rests with me.  Knowing what's normal for my body, educating myself, asking lots of questions (even when they are discouraged), and not allowing someone's strong opinions to sway me from what I feel to be true or helpful are really important.  

Which brings me to the next of January's life lessons:  healthy skepticism is, well, healthy.  If someone's opinions or recommendations don't seem right, even if they are an "expert" (actually, especially if they claim to be an expert!), you need to be skeptical, and take the time to do your own research, get other opinions, and ask as many questions as you need to.  I consulted five people from different areas of healthcare over the course of six weeks, and each one, without fail, told me emphatically why their diagnosis and recommendations were right, and why the other opinions I had gathered (and asked them about) were wrong!  Had I gone against my own judgment and intuition, and just stopped with any of these first assessments, I would be much worse off right now, and risking further and more serious health issues.  It turns out that each of them had a piece of the puzzle, but the person who is now treating me was able to see all of the pieces together (and identified a few others, too).

And the third life lesson of the month?  We are not built to live in a constant state of stress. Our bodies and minds are designed to help us survive short periods of fight or flight situations -- to kill the bear, or run from the tiger.  We are not designed for the non-stop, worry-filled lifestyles we all have.  This is not news to me, as it probably isn't to you -- magazine articles and other sources of health information are always warning about the negative impacts of stress.  And even though I've really tried to be aware of this and make healthier choices, I still have more to do, I guess, because the severity of my current health issues are a direct result of too much stress.  So, as I continue to recover, I've decided it's time for a whole new operating system. What does that mean?  It means living differently, from the moment I get up to the moment I go to bed; it means basing my thoughts and behavior on a new and improved set of beliefs and expectations.  I'm thinking about it as "reformatting my hard drive" -- loading a whole new operating system whose functionality and features I will consciously choose. There's no doubt this will require a lot of soul-searching and tough choices, but for me it's not an option, and I'm actually (kind of) looking forward to it because I know I will feel better, and I also know that my kids will benefit as well. 

As I've mentioned in other posts, both of my boys are very emotionally aware, and I've noticed how my emotional states impact theirs, both positively and negatively.  When I am calm and centered, they are much more relaxed and happy; when I am rushing around or frazzled from doing too many things, they become more emotional or quiet.  Whoever first described children as sponges was entirely correct, and I tend to forget how much of an impact the example my husband and I set has on them.  I'm hoping that the changes I make now result in our days moving at a slower, more peaceful pace (which I can already see happening), but I'm also taking a longer-term perspective.  The choices I make and tools I employ will hopefully set an example that the boys will remember when they are adults and making lifestyle choices for themselves and their families.  So, even though the weather outside is damp and gray this month, it's perfectly-timed for me -- I have lots of thinking, and even more resting, to do!

If you are not your own doctor, you are a fool.

~  Hippocrates (c.460 - 400 BC)

Learning to Say "Go Ahead!"

I have a confession to make -- I don't pay my kids an allowance.  I know this may sound surprising given that something like 80% of kids in this country earn allowances for doing chores. This doesn't mean that my boys are off the hook, though -- they do daily chores, too, and are experts at setting the table, loading and unloading the dishwasher, sorting laundry, taking out the trash.  I just don't pay them for it.  My philosophy is that we are all part of the family and, as such, have a role in taking care of our house. 

Without an allowance, the logical assumption would be that my husband and I buy everything for them.  Well, not so much.  We certainly provide everything they need and, for birthdays and holidays, some of what they want.  But otherwise, they cover most of their own expenses now.  Cool new Nerf gun? Ninja t-shirt? Mats for their "warrior training" space?  It's all on them.  For something expensive, like a new bike or the Trackers' Earth apprenticeship program that Sam is interested in, we negotiate a cost-sharing split -- sometimes it's 50/50, sometimes it's 80/20. 

So how do they come up with the money to pay for these things?  They have their own business.  Last year, when Sam was 10, he started asking questions about jobs and how people earn money.  We explained that most people work for someone else, but that some people start their own businesses.  Around that same time the opportunity came up to participate in an Entrepreneur's Fair through our homeschooling group, so we signed both boys up immediately, thinking this would give them a deeper understanding of business concepts.  They each decided what they wanted to make, purchased their own materials (with a loan from their parents), made their own products (holiday decorations), and sold them at the fair.  They learned first-hand about cost of goods sold, labor, marketing and sales, loan debt (yes, we charged them interest!), and profit.  But surprisingly, what they really came away with, was an enthusiasm for entrepreneurship.  In fact, we barely made it to the car after the fair before both boys were brainstorming other businesses they could start!

Now, I should pause here for a moment because, if you know anything about our family, you're probably guessing that my husband and I had a significant role in encouraging this idea of starting a business, given that we've both have a history of starting our own businesses.  You'll just have to take my word for it -- the idea never crossed my mind.  Yes, I wanted them to learn about business, and apply some math concepts in the process, and Dave wanted them to see what it's like to really work. But neither of us had any ideas about an ongoing venture.  

So, we followed their lead, and helped them brainstorm ideas for a couple of weeks, until we finally landed on the idea that is now the company called "The Can Men". Every Tuesday night the boys take their clients' trash and recycling cans to the curb, and then return them to their original places the next day after the trash trucks have come through the neighborhood. To start, they had to figure out their own pricing, develop their own flyer, and then knock on doors to find clients.  Most of the people in our neighborhood signed on, and now the boys make a nice monthly income.  Sam is technically the business owner, which means he took the lead on the sales, does the monthly invoicing, and earns 60% of the revenue.  Tips (which they get regularly) are split 50/50.  And best of all, there were no start-up costs!

Now that "The Can Men" has been in business for about six months, I know that what they're learning is immeasurable -- there's absolutely nothing I could teach them, or that a teacher in a classroom could teach them, that would compare.  And whatever they choose to do professionally in their lives, whether they work for someone else or not, there's no doubt that they're forming the foundation for their choices now.  If your kids have entrepreneurial leanings, or even if you're not sure, I highly encourage you to consider and explore the possibilities with them.  There's no doubt that you'll be opening new doors into their future.  Still not sure?  Take five minutes to check out this video of young entrepreneurs talking about their families:  Entrepreneurs Love Their Parents 

Getting started may be as simple as just learning to say "Go ahead!"