If You Could Write Your Own Prescription...

In May I spent a lot of time thinking about and writing about meditation and other mindfulness practices, and toward the end of the last post, "Minding the Gap", I introduced the idea of self-compassion because I know most parents are very hard on themselves -- worry and guilt seem to play a big role in this job.  It's true that there's a lot of responsibility that comes with raising children, which is why we feel so much pressure, and it's also true that we're all trying to do the best we can with the time, energy, and other resources we have available.  It's easy to forget.

This isn't to say that we shouldn't continue to try to do a better job, however.  We can simultaneously hold the ideas that we are "good enough", while at the same time knowing that we can do even better.  To really rise to our potential, to enjoy this process of raising children, learning and growing are key.  And in order to learn and grow, we need to take care of ourselves.  It's the familiar "put your oxygen mask on first..." concept.  Which makes sense and sounds great, but can be so hard to do in the midst of working, laundry, and shuttling kids around.  So here's the deal -- we need a plan. 

As a crazy coincidence, as I've been thinking about these ideas of self-care and self-compassion this week, I happened to be listening to a recorded conversation between two authors, Lissa Ranking and Brenee Brown, and they touched on this very topic of taking care of themselves.  Here's what they both said:  they have written themselves their own health prescriptions. They have these prescriptions written on pieces of paper that they carry around with them.  On their lists are things like how much sleep they need, foods they avoid, exercise schedules, and other items that fall into the category of "sanity maintenance", like limiting work hours and getting comfortable with saying "no".

Before this, I hadn't really thought about how I take care of myself as a "prescription" before, but the idea really resonates with me.  Without knowing it, I would say that up until now my prescription has included: 

• 9 Hours of Sleep:  I'm a sleeper -- always have been, always will be. For years I've envied those who could get by on seven hours or less (my uncle is a four-hour per night person), and tried to get by on less myself for a while, hoping I could train my body. Nope. So finally I've accepted it -- I'm a sleeper.
  
• Daily Meditation.  I've written a lot about this recently, so will only say that I'm on my cushion for 30-minutes a day.  When I miss a day, my emotions and energy suffer.



Sooo fresh -- we picked them ourselves!

• No Sugar or Flour.  I started following the Paleo diet when I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, and it has made a world of difference for me.  I have almost no inflammation in my body, and have much less pain than others who have the same health issues I do.  The first weeks coming off of sugar were tough, I can't deny it, but they were totally worth it.  I eat protein, vegetables, and some fruit (low glycemic, primarily apples) and have no sugar cravings.

Now I'm thinking about adding to it, and have had a lot of fun the past couple of days just thinking about what I will include.  I want my prescriptions to be realistic and sustainable -- daily massages would be wonderful, but just won't happen. Maybe a monthly massage, though?  And I love having fresh flowers on my desk, so maybe a weekly purchase of fresh flowers?  The possibilities are endless, and soooo much fun to consider. So I'm curious to know -- What's on your personal prescription list?  What should be on it?  Any good ideas?

"Enjoying a life of extreme self care means living and working in a soul-nurturing environment; developing a greater appreciation for, and connection with, nature; doing work that provides an opportunity to express your greatest gifts and talents; and caring for your emotional, physical, and spiritual health in a way that's aligned with who you are and what you most need."

 - Cheryl Richardson, Extreme Self-Care

January's Life Lessons

February is the least favorite month of the year for many people, with the holidays well behind us, spring and summer vacations too far out in front of us, and the typical cold, gray weather hanging heavily.  But for me, at least this year, I'm very glad to turn the page on January and welcome February in. January was filled with an unexpected series of life lessons for me this year, and I need these slow days of February as time to rest, recover, and reflect. 

I started the year feeling physically not all that great, although I was optimistic and full of plans.  Unfortunately, my body decided it needed more of my attention and my health went downhill quickly -- I found myself without the energy or mental clarity to do even the simplest of activities:  prepare a meal for my family, run errands, read or write.  For several years now I have been struggling with what I thought was a not-so-serious condition that compromised my immune system, but ever-increasing symptoms toward the end of 2012 and beginning of 2013 drove me to seek out more information and help from other sources in the healthcare community.  Now, after several weeks and many appointments with MDs, naturopaths, and nurse practitioners, I am on the road to understanding what is going on (a little more serious than what I originally thought) and am working with a practitioner who I trust to help me figure out the rest.  

So, the good news is that over the past few days I've begun to feel slightly better, and even though (or really, because) I still have to spend most of my day sitting, my mind is clear enough for the first time in weeks to reflect on what I've been going through and begin to understand that there are some important life lessons to be gleaned from my recent experience.  The first, and most important, is that nobody cares about my health more than I do (nor should they!).  Yes, my family cares and my doctors care, but I'm the one who needs to push, and question, and drive, and push some more -- nobody else can do that for me.  My husband certainly tries, and deserves a medal for how well he has supported me, taken care of me, and even filled in for me when I was too weak or tired to do so, but the ultimate responsibility for my health rests with me.  Knowing what's normal for my body, educating myself, asking lots of questions (even when they are discouraged), and not allowing someone's strong opinions to sway me from what I feel to be true or helpful are really important.  

Which brings me to the next of January's life lessons:  healthy skepticism is, well, healthy.  If someone's opinions or recommendations don't seem right, even if they are an "expert" (actually, especially if they claim to be an expert!), you need to be skeptical, and take the time to do your own research, get other opinions, and ask as many questions as you need to.  I consulted five people from different areas of healthcare over the course of six weeks, and each one, without fail, told me emphatically why their diagnosis and recommendations were right, and why the other opinions I had gathered (and asked them about) were wrong!  Had I gone against my own judgment and intuition, and just stopped with any of these first assessments, I would be much worse off right now, and risking further and more serious health issues.  It turns out that each of them had a piece of the puzzle, but the person who is now treating me was able to see all of the pieces together (and identified a few others, too).

And the third life lesson of the month?  We are not built to live in a constant state of stress. Our bodies and minds are designed to help us survive short periods of fight or flight situations -- to kill the bear, or run from the tiger.  We are not designed for the non-stop, worry-filled lifestyles we all have.  This is not news to me, as it probably isn't to you -- magazine articles and other sources of health information are always warning about the negative impacts of stress.  And even though I've really tried to be aware of this and make healthier choices, I still have more to do, I guess, because the severity of my current health issues are a direct result of too much stress.  So, as I continue to recover, I've decided it's time for a whole new operating system. What does that mean?  It means living differently, from the moment I get up to the moment I go to bed; it means basing my thoughts and behavior on a new and improved set of beliefs and expectations.  I'm thinking about it as "reformatting my hard drive" -- loading a whole new operating system whose functionality and features I will consciously choose. There's no doubt this will require a lot of soul-searching and tough choices, but for me it's not an option, and I'm actually (kind of) looking forward to it because I know I will feel better, and I also know that my kids will benefit as well. 

As I've mentioned in other posts, both of my boys are very emotionally aware, and I've noticed how my emotional states impact theirs, both positively and negatively.  When I am calm and centered, they are much more relaxed and happy; when I am rushing around or frazzled from doing too many things, they become more emotional or quiet.  Whoever first described children as sponges was entirely correct, and I tend to forget how much of an impact the example my husband and I set has on them.  I'm hoping that the changes I make now result in our days moving at a slower, more peaceful pace (which I can already see happening), but I'm also taking a longer-term perspective.  The choices I make and tools I employ will hopefully set an example that the boys will remember when they are adults and making lifestyle choices for themselves and their families.  So, even though the weather outside is damp and gray this month, it's perfectly-timed for me -- I have lots of thinking, and even more resting, to do!

If you are not your own doctor, you are a fool.

~  Hippocrates (c.460 - 400 BC)