Broad Experience, or Deep Engagement?

You know how you get a song stuck in your head sometimes, and even though its driving you crazy you can't get it out of your mind?  Or how you can get fixated on something someone said, and you keep replaying their words over and over, trying to figure out what they really meant?  Well this week I've added a new category to my "types of obsessive thoughts" list:  Circular Questions.  This is a new one for me, and I've been going round-and-round on one particular question: 

"Is it better to spend your childhood, or your life, 

a little bit interested in a lot of things, 

or a lot interested in one thing?" 

I have the author, Paul Tough, to thank for this.  I've been reading his book "How Children Succeed",  learning how research is showing that positive character traits like perseverance, curiosity, and self-control are actually more important than intelligence when it comes to succeeding in school. Mid-way through the book he begins describing a group of middle-school kids who are members of a chess club at their inner-city school, and how they regularly win chess tournaments against kids from much more affluent schools, including some of the best high schools in their area, and even against some adult chess masters.  He attributes much of their success to their teacher/chess coach who challenges the kids "to look deeply at their own mistakes, examine why they had made them, and think hard about what they might have done differently."  In other words, how to persevere. And part of this perseverance includes hours and hours of practice each day, which means they have time for little else.

So here is where the question is posed. "Is it better to spend your childhood, or your life, a little bit interested in a lot of things, or a lot interested in one thing?"

In spite of what I had just read about the chess club kids, my immediate response was "a little bit interested in a lot of things"; kids should have a chance to try things out and see what they enjoy, to experience as much as possible.  This is certainly what I've encouraged my kids to do, and is what I've spent most of my own life doing -- trying something out, getting pretty good at it (or not), and then moving on.  When given the option of being a "generalist" or a "specialist", the former has always seemed the better choice.

But, it turns out that there's a very strong case to be made for specializing, too, even when you're young.  In the words of the chess coach from the book, "I think it's really liberating for kids to understand what it's like to be passionate about something. They're having momentous experiences that they'll always remember."  Right.  Passion and big experiences -- they're important, too.  The opportunity to deeply engage in an activity, to develop mastery, is rare these days when we're all called on to be "multi-taskers", where technology-driven interruptions and distractions are the norm.

So now I'm reflecting on my original answer to the question, and am rethinking it a bit.  I want my kids to have the experience of being deeply engaged in something meaningful, to push themselves and experience the feeling of accomplishment that comes from dedication to a goal.  

But... I still want them to experience as much of life as they can.  Is there a way to have both?  What do you think?



A note on the book....

Paul Tough has produced an incredibly-researched, well-written book that will serve as a valuable resource for educators and policy-makers.  If you are interested in education, educational policy, or character development, I highly recommend that you pick up a copy.  You will be amazed at all of the great information and insights.  

If you don't have much time, but are still interested in learning more, there is a summary version of the book called "How Children Succeed.... in 30 Minutes".  Just click on either of the images below to order through Amazon.

 

My Favorite Holiday

My family and I have never spent much energy celebrating the New Year's holiday -- no loud parties, horn blowing or confetti for us this time of year.  Instead, we tend to prefer a quieter approach, usually involving a nice dinner, a couple of glasses of champagne, and a normal bed time (often before midnight even rolls around).  This doesn't mean, however, that the beginning of the new year isn't significant for us.  In fact, it's probably my favorite holiday.

After the busyness, excitement, and fast pace of of the weeks from Thanksgiving through Christmas, a quiet New Year's Eve is something I look forward to, not just with a sense of relief that there are no more gifts to be wrapped or elaborate meals to be planned (although there is some of that), but mostly with a sense of anticipation. I know many people, most of whom are still high on Christmas adrenaline, get excited about making resolutions for the new year, and even more seem to enjoy making snide remarks about the practice, but I take genuine pleasure in the process of reflecting on the year that has passed, and especially like the sense of starting fresh in a new year.  It's like spring cleaning, but on the inside.  

New Year's Day is when I sit down with my old calendar and my new calendar side-by-side and, while writing in the birthdays and anniversaries for the coming year, I also reflect on the events and highlights of the past year -- the "moments".  While this could be construed as a melancholy or overly-sentimental ritual, for me it's a tradition that gives me time to think about what went well this year and what didn't, to take stock and put to rest any lingering regrets or concerns. It ends (rather symbolically) with me putting the old calendar in the trash and hanging the new calendar on the wall. I always come away from the process with a feeling of lightness, a sense of having a "clean slate" with which to start the new year (the same feeling I have when my closets are clean!)

And so, as my internal cleaning process begins on the final day of this year, I can say that 2012 has been a pretty good year, with significantly more positives than negatives.  I truly have a lot to be grateful for -- there's really not much I would change in my life.  It's also been a year of a few challenges and losses that I am happy to put behind me.  My personal intentions for 2013 come primarily from these challenges and the insights I gained from them, with an emphasis on decreasing the things that cause stress (an overly busy schedule, worrying about unimportant things) and increasing the time I spend doing things that make me happy and give me energy (writing, painting, hiking, reading.)  Also on the list, and more in the category of "goals" are:

• Performing 100 random acts of kindness (this is a family goal that our boys will be doing this with us, and we've already begun!),
• Developing my new "Teach Your Own" web site, and
• Writing and publishing a homeschooling curriculum.

I hope that you are also beginning 2013 with a sense of hope and excitement.  May you have a smooth and happy transition into the new year, whatever your New Year's traditions might be.  

Every man should be born again on the first day of January. Start with a fresh page. 

-Henry Ward Beecher